(This letter was first published on the Girl Gone Authentic Sunday Club (Sun, May 21, 2023), a bi-monthly newsletter where we explore the nuances of being human through personal philosophies, intimate musings, poetry, and prose. The series was titled: Letters to Star).
Dear Star,
Here you go again living in your head.
I don’t blame you; you have always felt things too deeply. You must have been six or seven years old, chasing butterflies at grandma’s, when one gently rested its tiny feet on your nose. I remember how you tried your best to stand still, but the fat tears rolling down your cheeks let you down, and then you burst out laughing – startling the poor creature into flight. You see, beauty has always had her way with you.
Before you knew that life could break your heart, you let it rest on your sleeve and it led you to your wildest dreams. Here we are. Miles away from home; concrete to your left, concrete to your right. It used to fascinate you how at night, the many little windows in this city glowed golden. You imagined the lives behind them: lovers tangled up after a long day, children telling wild tales about their day over a hot bowl of noodles. Alhough you were constantly high from the rush and thrill that unapologetically pulses through the city center, there were moments of contentment behind your little golden window. This was it. This was the life that you had always dreamt of.
It took you…three years and a solo trip to the mountains to realise that you could no longer recognize your own inner voice speaking to you. You went out of your way to book a house big enough for eight – it is not everyday that a girl turns thirty three – not a single person honoured your invitation. Sad as it seems, it was necessary. Had it not happened you would not have become aware of how shallow your friendships have become. I don’t mean to be careless with my words; but in this moment, you need to see things for what they are. Now that your world has quietened, you are going through an unfolding. Every feeling that you had suppressed is coming to light. The loneliness is especially overwhelming, I know; you are not weak. Sit with it. Sit with yourself. Break if you must, it doesn’t matter.
The thing that you need to remember about unfolding is that it is a process that takes time. Think of it as a road trip from your old self to your new self – the journey must be travelled.
Don’t judge.
Don’t interfere.
Instead, allow yourself to slow down and indulge in the silence that accompanies you. Breathe. Brew a cup of lavender, rose and butterfly pea tea, sip slowly. When you are done, soak yourself in a warm lavender bath. You still remember nature’s medicines, don’t you? Moving intentionally quickly wears off the shock of the emptiness you have unmasked. Lean in to kindness.
I must add, it takes courage and then some more to finally be able to take a walk in a darker and unexplored Self. It is even braver to entertain the idea that you may just stumble into your lost inner voice. Darling, you are doing enough and you are enough. For now, let go. Unravel and become the mess that you fear.
I will let you go at your own pace, and when you are ready, you will receive a loving letter from me.
All my love,
Girl Gone Authentic
